Untitled
by rob313
Summary: I would be lying if I said I wanted to go down this road. Rated T but may change to M without notice.
1. Chapter 1

Comic Variety

Disclaimer: Don't own the characters. Sega does.  
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I'd be lying if I said I wanted to do this.  
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Chapter 1: Intro:

It started out as a good day in Station Square. Sonic, Tails, Shadow, and Rouge were out having fun.  
They shared a few laughs. A few jokes consisted of a tribute to Bill Cosby. Sonic did one, and Shadow did another.  
Tails yelled to Shadow, "Do a Bill Cosby impersonation." "Aw, shut up with all that noise.", Shadow started, in a Bill Cosby like voice. "Standing up, and yell like that. It's only Thursday for cryin out loud. Thursday, ya gotta wait until Friday." He added, "It's a funny thing, I remember the Professor had a lot of people work for him.  
He would have those people work real hard Monday-Friday. He also would give them Saturday and Sunday off, and those are the two days that they totally destroy themselves on."

"I mean... you, you begin to think, 'My goodness, I worked these people real hard, and worked them to death"  
Then Friday comes and they say 'yeeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah,' and then they come in Monday like .  
'Boy am I glad to be back here. I'm no good on my own. I was given two whole days, and I just went crazy"  
"Gyeah," he said. "I never knew where he got those people from, sometimes I thought it was drugs.  
It's got to be drugs, because people who are sober, don't worry about things like that.", adding, " The drugs.  
The drugs, makes a person go . I've seen them. You know, they gotta (inhales), and they gotta hold it in see, .  
You see, that's the problem with smoking, you gotta (Inhales quickly) look.  
Now your body doesn't want it, so it starts to kick it out, whether you want to hold it or not, and you go.  
pth. pth. phesh. pth. Cough, cough, cough, gasp, cough, cough, cough, choke, cough, cough, cough, cough."

He added, " Now the best part about drugs,is that while your doing that, the person next to you is like, ayo, pass that over."Shadow then pointed out, "Now they get stoned, now this the fun part getting stone... They get stoned,  
then they become paranoid. When they first started out, they said 'let's get high, and have fun.' Then they get high, now they're paranoid. (Am I falling out of this chair?)." Then there are the ones who get stoned, and they start to laugh, and nobody knows what their laughing at. You know, they just .

(AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA..., NO, WAIT A MINUTE, WAIT A MINUTE. AAAAAAAAAAAHAAAAAAAAAAAAHAAAAAAAA.  
NO, WAIT A MINUTE. I'LL BE RIGHT WIT YA SIR. WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.  
AAAAAAAAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA... NO, WAIT A MINUTE.  
HAHAHA. ALL I KNOW IS THAT I JUST CAME FROM BURGER KING. A GUY PICKED UP A PIECE OF BEEF, AND THREW IT ON THE GROUND.  
I SAID ,"OOOOOOOOOOO WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOW." THEN THE GUY TURNED IT OVER, IT WAS ALL BROWN.  
I SAID, "THAT WAS HARD." TH... THEN THE GUY P... PUT IT B... BETWEEN TWO PIECES OF BREAD.  
I SAID, "OOOOOOOOOOOOO NOOOOOOOOOOO." AND THE GUY ATE IT)." "But the biggest one, is the cocaine." He stated.

"YEEEEEEEOOOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWWW," Shouted Rouge. "There they go. There they go. OKAY, Rouge." He said.  
"You say cocaine, then someone asked me over, I asked if he was an abuser, He said ' Gyeah. I'll do a few lines." He added.  
"Tell me, what is it about cocaine, that makes it so wonderful. Then the man said 'well, it intensifies your personality'  
"Then I said, yeah, but what if your an asshole?" Shadow finished.  
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I hope this is satisfying for you. (Wingless Rain). R&R. 


	2. Chapter 2

Comic Variety

Disclaimer: Don't own a god damn thing. Sega does.  
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This was done a while back as an RPG involving a few people I know (R.I.P. Dre and Mike)  
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Chapter 2: Chocolate Cake

At his house in Station Square, Sonic was asleep when he was woken up by Amy. "SONIC", she shouted, "GO FIX BREAKFAST FOR US NOW!" Sonic woke up looked at the clock and said,  
"It's 6 o' clock in the morning." "Exactly, Go fix breakfast for me and our guests." said Amy. "Yeah, but isn't it bad for your stomach? I mean we just ate 12 hours ago.", Sonic said.  
She said,"SONIC, JUST GET OUT THE BED NOW!" Then Sonic said, "Then where are the pans? Also I don't know what those guys want to eat"  
Amy said, "SONIC, I AM NOT TALKING TO YOU ABOUT THIS NO MORE! IF YOU ASK ONE MORE STUPID QUESTION AGAIN, SO HELP ME, I WILL GET THE SHOTGUN OUT OF THE CLOSET, AND SHOOT YOUR HEAD OFF"  
"Now there's no need to get violent about it.", Sonic said adding, "You don't seem to be not only analyzing, but intellectualizing the situation."

A few minutes later, Amy came back to his bedroom with a bucket of ice water, standing over him while stirring the bucket like a mad, hell hath no fury, wife.  
"SONIC, GET UP AND MAKE BREAKFAST, OR YOU'LL BE WEARING THIS BUCKET OF ICE WATER!" She said. Sonic looked at her like she was crazy and said, "You're serious, aren't you"  
Needless to say, Sonic got out of the bed pissed off. He didn't get a chance to put his robe on, because Amy was ready to carry out her threat at any given moment.  
Sonic walked down stairs into the kitchen. He got the pans one by one, and slammed them on the counter grunting, "Who the fuck does that bitch think I am? Some mutha fuckin house slave"  
First one to walk down was Cream. "Good Morning, Mr. Sonic." she greeted. "Morning Cream, what would you like for breakfast?", Sonic asked.

Cream scanned the whole kitchen. She then said, "I'd like some chocolate cake." Sonic asked stupidly, "What chocolate cake?" Cream told him, "That chocolate cake, right behind you"  
He then saw the chocolate cake. He looked at the ingriedients. It listed it as milk, eggs, and wheat. In the chocolate cake. Sonic then said, "CHOCOLATE CAKE COMING UP"  
(Chop, plop) He gave Cream a piece of the chocolate cake. Thinking out loud, sighing at the thought of not cooking for once, "I DON'T BELIEVE IT! I DIDN'T HAVE TO COOK AFTER ALL!  
CHOCOLATE CAKE! MILK, EGGS, WHEAT! NUTRITION!" Then, Shadow, Tails, and Rouge walked down as Cream enjoyed her chocolate cake.  
Tails asked, "Cream, where did you get that?" "Mr. Sonic gave a piece of this chocolate cake." Cream told them.

After that, all 3 of them looked at Sonic with a look of relief in their eyes like :). "Oh Sonic, can we have some chocolate cake also?", they asked in unison.  
All Sonic could muster was, "CHOCOLATE CAKE COMING UP!" (Chop, chop, chop, plop, plop, plop). Then he did it again. "CHOCOLATE CAKE! MILK, EGGS, WHEAT! NUTRITION"  
Then the 4 of them started singing praises of him. (Sonic is great. He gave us chocolate cake). Then out of the blue, came an even more angry Amy.  
"WHERE DID THESE HYPERACTIVE FUCKERS GET THIS CHOCOLATE CAKE FROM?" she asked. Sonic replied, "They asked me for it"  
Those same 4 who sang about him, fast as shit, lied about him. They all said, "We didn't ask for this. We asked for eggs. Sonic made us eat this"  
She made Sonic go back to his room. He thought to himself, "That was where I wanted to be in the first place, bitch"  
-  
This is the first one I remember doing a few years ago. R&R. 


	3. Chapter 3

Untitled 

Disclaimer: Don't own shit. Sega does.

On this chapter, one character maybe OOC.  
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Chapter 3: The birth of a child.

It has been several years after Shadow returned, that Rouge became pregnant with his child.  
From there, Shadow was reading about how women give birth, and showed the definition as follows.  
Natural Child Birth: Definition: No drugs are to be administered into the woman's body during the birth. However, the father can have whatever he wants.  
Shadow showed Rouge that and asked, "What the hell does that mean?" "The father part was a joke, but that's what natural child birth is Shadow.," Rouge told him.  
Shadow just gave his trade mark glare/scowl, while Rouge was thinking of alot of names to give the baby. (Though, I think she's hoping for a girl.)

A week after, both she and Shadow took classes (I forget what those are called), and both of them took participation in how to breath during birth.  
Also showed them how to take care of the child after birth. Shadow even acted as a cheerleader in one class they took. (Push it out. Shove it out. Way out). Upon completion, the mother recieves a diploma.  
The father gets one as well, but only if he comes to class everytime. In other words, if the father doesn't have a diploma, he can't show up at the birth.  
They finished the classes with flying colors, and headed down to Sonic's place to visit.  
"Hey, how the classes go you two?," Sonic asked. "Real well." They replied in unison.  
Just then Tails and Cream came in, asked Rouge to show them some of the techniques on the classes she took.  
Without objecting, she said, "Okay, but don't tell anyone." After several minutes, Tails then asked, "How much longer will it be?" "It'll be 8 more months.," explained Shadow.  
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After those 8 months, at their house, Rouge called Shadow from the balcony. "SHADOW!," She screamed. Unknowingly, after seeing her, he said, "Push it out, shove it out, way out." She screamed, "SHADOW, YOU IDIOT, GET THE CAR. MY WATER BROKE!"  
Shadow, without thinking twice, pulled his 2007 Toyota Prius to the front door. He got Rouge in the car.  
He went to get her to the hospital, while going down the road at 116 mph. She started to contract when Shadow pleaded, "Please, not in the car." He pulled over to some near by bushes and pleaded, "You can do it in the bushes, but not the car." Rouge told him, "Will you just drive me to the hospital." Shadow then asked, "What shoud I do til then?"She said, "Shadow, just hurry up." The minute they got to the hospital, Shadow alerted the staff, and three damn fools came out like Willie Lump Lumps. They got her in the wheelchair. After nearly getting into an accident while getting Rouge into the delivery room, they finally laid her in the bed.  
Then Dr. Eggman comes in and sits there like Johnny Bench looking like **XO**. Shadow slapped his forehead asking, "What are you up to Eggman?"  
"I'm here as an actual doctor to help deliver a baby. Just give me a minute to remember how.," Eggman explained.

Shadow glared at him angrily, but let it go considering he ain't up to shit right now. Someone once said to Shadow about giving natural child birth. He remembered her say that if you are going to do that, you may as well take your bottom lip and pull it over your head. Rouge started screaming at the immense pain. "PLEASE GIVE ME SOME MORPHINE!," she yelled. Shadow started to tell her, "But, Rouge, you're not suppose to...," But was interrupted by her pulling his bottom lip and ranting, "YOU SHUT UP, YOU DID THIS TO ME!" She then had the nerve to tell everyone in the delivery room that Shadow's parents were never married. All the while, Johnny Bench was still sitting there going **XO**. Shadow then turned around in disbelief. After she was told numerous times to push, she cried, "I don't wanna push no more!" "You can do it, Rouge, just a few more pushes." Shadow said, trying to encourage her. She whined, "But I don't wanna, besides it hurts!" "Push?," he said sounding like he's hesitating. "No, please don't force me to.", she pleaded. "But, what about those classes we took?," He asked. Rouge yelled, "FUCK THE CLASSES, JUST GIVE ME SOME MORPHINE!," Shadow turned in disgust, then looked up at the rearview. "Isn't that the head?," Shadow asked.

"Yeah.", Eggman replied. Shadow then told him, "Well, go get it." Eggman told him, "It's stuck."  
"Then get the salad spoons, man!", Shadow said in exasperation. So, Dr. Eggman got what looked like sanitized hospital salad tongs.  
He used them to get the baby out. (pop) They had a very healthy baby girl, that happened to be a bat. Shadow walked over to Rouge and kissed her forehead lovingly.  
"Congratulations, Rouge, you just gave birth to... a lizard.", Shadow told her. The baby changed colors 3 times.  
The hospital didn't like the idea of it, so suggested them to take the girl home.  
"But, isn't it still a little early, by at least 6 months?", Shadow asked. Adding, "I mean, the baby's not done cookin' yet."  
That being said, they made both him and Rouge take the baby home. Shadow then said, "If we have another baby, we're going to go to another state first." Rouge replied, "Yeah, like Texas or something."  
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This took some major thinking through and writing. R&R.


	4. Chapter 4

Untitled

Disclaimer: I don't own one damn thing. Sega does.  
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Just read.  
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Chapter 4: Playing Dead -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Sonic, Tails, Knuckles, and Rouge were at Shadow's house when he started making a joke about what he saw.  
"I love to watch other guys get beat up. Sonic got it good last night, And I was watching, too, dawg.," Shadow said. Sonic added, "Yeah, I'll even tell you what happened. What happened was my father went whap, and I fell down (clunk) and play dead, and my mother was there.  
She then screamed, 'YOU KILLED HIM, LOOK AT THAT.,' My old man said, ' I didn't do that.', She hollered, 'YES YOU DID, LOOK AT HIM HE'S NOT BREATHING, AND HE'S NOT RESPONDING, AND (BLAHBLAHBLAHBLAH) AND, DON'T YOU EVER TOUCH HIM AGAIN AS LONG AS YOU LIVE AND, (BLAHBLAHBLAHBLAH).'" Adding, "My mother is like 2' 11" weighs 10 pounds, and she's chewing him out, dawg, and I did everything to keep from laughing.  
And I was playing dead, and I wanted to laugh. So, finally I went Pth, and my mother was like 'OH! He's coming back to life, he's coming back to life'  
My old man was like, 'Okay. I'll never touch him again as long as he lives.'"

Knuckles thought it through , and said in a Fat Albert-like tone, "Hey, hey, hey, that's a good idea"  
Knuckles liked the idea so much, he went home to pick a fight with his father. I mean he was bad as a mufucka, man.  
He got home and busted down the door (BOOM). "Hey, hey, hey, where's my dad? First of all dad, you ain't been good, and never been good, hey, hey, hey"  
Knuckles' father looked at him and said "WHAT?" You heard me, are you deaf you fuckin dummy.," Knuckles said.  
Knuckles got up and went whap, and Knuckles fell down. Shadow and Rpouge saw this, and the first part was true, they both said, "HEEEEEEYYYYY, Knuckles' father hit him, and Knuckles fell down dead, man"  
Knuckles' mother came out and said, "OOOOHHHH, you killed Knuckles"  
Knuckles' father looked at him and said, "Oh, yeah? Well, let me show you what to do with a dead man. Give me that boilng water, that's what you do, just pour boilng water on...", and Knuckles got up.  
"See that, look, a dead man walking around now. Come over here, Lazarus.," Knuckles' father finished rhetorically.  
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Short as a mufucka, I know, but I had no idea what else to do. R&R. 


	5. Chapter 5

Untitled Chapter 5 

Disclaimer: I don't own shit. Sega & other companies do.  
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Just read.  
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Chapter 5: A borrowed car

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At an open mic session at Club Rouge, Sonic did a comic routine. "I Borrowed my father's car last month. After about two weeks, he came into the living room.," said Sonic. "I could tell from the look on his face I was in deep shit. He Looked over and said, (Imitating his own father) 'Come here.  
"Well, I knew he wanted to talk to me about something I did wrong. I sat there and thought of the things I did wrong so far.," He said.  
"I just couldn't figure out what it was he wanted to talk about, so I said, 'Who, me'  
(Imitation) 'No, the table. You see me come in this living room, and do like this, and you've seen the table get up and walk over here.  
You've seen wallpaper, unwrap itself off the wall, come over to me and say, 'What was it you wanted, Mr. Hedgehog?"  
"'Yes, I'm talking to you, asshead. Come outside I want to talk to you.'" Sonic said.  
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He stopped for a quick drink. "So, I go outside, dawg, and I just start shaking. I'm shaking because I know my father was going to hit me sooner or later. My father can time his hits, too. Just to the point where I relax (Pow). He grabbed me by the arm, took me over to the car, and asked me, 'What is that"  
"I knew the answer was car, but..., I didn't know what he wanted. So, I said "It's a car?' 'Are you sure of it?' 'Yeah'  
'So, say it like you're showing it to me. Go on, say it, car.' 'Car.' 'Good, Now.' (Click, Pop, Screech) 'Now, what is that'  
'That's the engine.' 'That's two you got right. Now, how does the engine start up?' 'You turn the key and step on the gas'  
'Step on the what?' 'The gas' 'You do know about gas? Now what is this?' 'That's the gas cap, dad.' 'Do you know how to get it off?''Yeah, you just unscrew it like that, see?' 'Great, now give me the cap. Now, I'm taking your head, and putting it in the gas tank. Now, take a deep breath, and tell me what you smell' (Nasally) 'I don't smell nothing, dad.' "Right, because there ain't no gas in the car'  
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Applause and laughter erupt, as Sonic takes another drink. He added, 'Now, what I want to know is, last night you had the car, didn't ya'  
'Yes, dad.' 'You god damn right you had it. I didn't have it, your mother didn't have it, the dog didn't have it. So, you had it, didn't ya'  
'Well, yeah, dad.' 'Now, don't start crying now. Cause I'ma knock you out, anyway. Now, what I want to know is, because you must be some kind of genius.  
How the hell did you get this car, in this spot, when there ain't no gas in the car? Ain't no fumes in it or nothing. How the fuck did you this car to walk into this spot, ain't no fumes or nothing in it? I got in the car, turned the key, and the needle fell outside'  
'But, dad...' 'DON'T BUT ME! I'll knock you out... I brought you into this world, I can take you out, junior.  
Now, the only thing that makes me mad junior is this, you must think that I'm the dumbest father on the face of the earth. Tell the truth son, don't ya'  
No, dad.' 'Don't lie to me, junior. Just say to me. Tell me to my face, 'Dad, you are the dumbest mufucka I've ever seen in my life'' Go on and say...' 'But, dad...' 'Don't cry. Cause your mother ain't coming. Now, some boys borrow they fathers car junior, and leave enough gas in the car, so the father can start the car up, and run out of gas, starting it up. Now, that's how dumb some boys think their fathers are. You think I'm so dumb that I'm gon get in this car, close the door, and say (Oh, my goodness, I ran out of gas closing the door).'

'Now here's $20.00, you go down to the gas station, it's an 8 mile walk and walk all of it, no running, and I hope your legs hurt.  
You go down there with the gas can, and put $10.00 worth of gas in the can. Bring the gas and change back here.  
You come back here, and put half the can in the gas tank. Then, you put some in the carberator. Finally, get in front of the car, because I'm Going to run over you.' Laughter and applause rage on as Sonic stepped off stage with Rouge for some food and drinks.  
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R&R


	6. Chapter 6

**Untitled**

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**Disclaimer: Ah, waht the hell, you guys should know by now. Don't own a fuckin thing. Sega does.**

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**Before I start, don't be hatin on me about this.**

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**Chapter 6: Fernet Branca**

**6 months after the events of Sonic next gen, Shadow and Rouge went on a trip to Italy. After about several hours of disembarking from there plane awaited Silver. All three of them went to one of those Italian restaurants. Only reason they did was because all the tourist ones serve the exact same food as here. First one they hit, Silver spoke out.**

**"Hey, there. Table for three, please," He said in Italian.**

**The madre' d responded the same way. However, when Shadow started to speak, shit wouldn't come out. **

**The minute he did say something.**

**"Hey...," Shadow started out. They all looked at him and Said,**

**"Uh , you shut the fuck up, and sit the hell down".**

**After that, all Shadow could do was sit there, and couldn't help but suddenly feel like Silver's child. As angry as he was, and after a few days, they went to another restaurant, this time Shadow had had it after Silver and the Italians were done talking. He looked at the madre' d.**

**"I'd like a menu, please," Said Shadow.**

**"But, sir, it's all written in Italian," The madre' d said.**

**"Let me see the menu. BECAUSE I'MA BREAK THIS DOWN! ORDER SOMETHING FOR MY DAMN SELF!," Shadow responded angrily.**

**Now, in his mind, he thought he could do it. Considering he had four years of Latin 101. He opened the menu, and, of course, it's all in Italian.**

**"Hold up, I don't know shit about what's written on here," Shadow thought.**

**That was until he saw a word that looks almost like bird.**

**Figuring he would ask the madre' d.**

**"Uh, sir, what is this?," He asked.**

**"Uh, sir, that's the delicacy of the house," The madre' d responded.**

**So, after hearing that he placed it as his order. They tossed up the salad and served Rouge and Shadow the salad. After a few moments of silence.**

**"So, what did you order?," Asked Rouge.**

**Now, he can't let this sexy bat know that he didn't know what he ordered.**

**" You just wait and see," Shadow responded.**

**They finally brought the entree, which was his bird. He had ordered... barbecued sparrow. They left the head and the feet on the sparrow.**

**They brought it by itself in a white plate. With the head of the sparrow dangling off the plate, looking like this X. Feet and toenails intact, with a beak, and one eye closed with the other one open.**

**The people around his table, including Rouge took one look at it, and became very self centered in their own meals. **

**"Shit, what did I do wrong in a past life?," Shadow asked himself.**

**Now he was enough of a male egotist, that he knew he had to sit there, and eat his mistake. He didn't care if he died. The problem was how.**

**"Hmmm... Thank god I am an American.," He said to himself.**

**So, he got two pieces of bread, got a jar of mustard, smothered mustard on the bread pieces, laid that mutha fuckin' bird on the bread pieces, and took a bite. When it reached his stomach, there's a valve that puts the digested food into the intestines. That valve saw what was in the stomach, and shut it self off. The other valve that allowed it to go down, closed it self off, also. So, now he had the delicacy of the house stuck in his stomach.**

**"Shit, shit, shit! Uh, excuse me Rouge, I gotta head to the bathroom.," Shadow told her.**

**"Take your time, sweetheart.," She said, in a combination of fear and sheer joy.**

**Shadow walked right into the bathroom, and his good luck rang again.**

**Someone was cleaning them up. He ran up to the guy.**

**"Excuse me, do you have anything for gas?," Shadow asked the maintenance person.**

**"Yeah, here's some Alka-Seltzer.," said the maintenance person.**

**He took 5 of them mutha fuckas, swallowed them whole.**

**The bird ate all 5 of them.n So, now the gas comes out in foul smelling burps.**

**Each burp he unleashed, everyone in the restaurant put on there gas masks.**

**Unfortunatley for him, Rouge caught one.**

**"You know what Shadow, after we get back home, I'ma kill you!," She said disgustedly.**

**From there, came the fernet branca. Shadow took one shot of it. The bird saw what was coming, after the upper valve opened up, and started running. Shadow also started running, back to the bathroom. after a few minutes kneeling over one of the toilets, Rouge walked in.**

**"What the hell were you thinking, Shadow?," Rouge asked.**

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"I'm sorry, I should've told you, I don't know anything about Italian, and sorry for the mess I caused.," Shadow answered.**

**"Don't worry about it. let's just go home, and forget about this.," Rouge said.**

**"Okay.," Shadow replied.**

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**This is my last one. Please don't be hatin' on me about the short dialogues and shit. R&R.**


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